A friend of mine who works in the same strip club as me, wanted advice on something that is oh so
common within the "dating" realm of strip.
A guy whom she is dating really likes her. Met her in the strip club. But now, wants her to stop dancing. Get a regular job, take out the weave and be a square. Now, she is stuck between a rock and a hard place because he is asking her to give up her bread and butter and settle for stale crackers. In other words, the kind of money we see, she won't see in some mall job that he expects her to pick up instead of dancing. And learning a trade to get a job that pays more money, requires money to attend which he doesn't want to invest in. The very place he met this beautiful woman, he wants to take her way from, which is admirable, but not easy. If she is doing fine on her own, and you want to release her form a job with so much scrutiny, then expect to help out. Not to mention, he tells her he will continue to go to the strip club and patronize the industry after she has left. But if you really want to be with a someone who is in a financial cul-de-sac ..wouldn't you help them, rather than just dictate to them?
Riddle me this, gentlemen, while you are trying to make a stripper into a proper lady via social standards, are you going to support the accustomed lifestyle we have? Or are you just going to go ahead and make these demands, looking down on us from your ivory tower? The heart does not contradict itself. If you l-ve someone, or even deeply care for them, you won't judge them. So if you really like a girl, and she is a stripper, you can't ALL OF A SUDDEN become judgemental of where you found her. Especially if you say you will continue to go, even whens she is no longer dancing. Also, the whole, take your weave out, look like a square, and "I'm not funding your already existing handbag fetish." is a little ridiculous. The fact that this guys is trying to change her into something all shiny and new is taking away from who she is. The money he spends on her in the club alone, could by a couple handbags, so you're telling me, the buck stops here? You can spend thousands of dollars on a stripper in the club, but you can not spend it on her outside of the club to help her reform from strip? I'm confused. Just because she doesn't have weave doesn't mean she isn't a stripper. Just because she doesn't have a Gucci handbag doesn't mean she isn't a stripper. So why are these few things weighed so heavy in a conditional agreement as to whether you can take a girl in the club serious or not? Since when does my 20 inch weave and handbag dictate what I do for a living? Especially when I see the same breed of female come into my club, as a customer, not a dancer, having the same "stripper" look.
Bottom line, you can't make a women who you would like to be with a "project stripper" unless you are willing to fund the change. A women shouldn't have to go without in order for you to feel comfortable that she doesn't look like the very person you fell for. And to add insult to injury, you ask her to leave the club and become a square, while you stay in the club, as a customer, spend thousands on some one else, while she struggles to maintain your comfort zone. Oh, and he is likely to run into another project stripper who will inevitably just replace the last girl he has tried to "better". Its a vicious cycle of confusion and insecurity, on the man's part.
Now, lets assume he does fund her. Let's say that he offers to help her out financially if she gets a regular job, so that she can still have the income she had when she was in strip. Now you have given a man financial control. Which is really not the kind of power you want to give any man, when its a "need" type situation. It's cool to have a man court you, buy you things and take you out. But, if the money he is providing is for rent, bills and to eat, you're now giving him the authority to spoon feed you. What happens when you argue? Or he has a bad day, or he has a freak lapse into your past as a stripper? Now you have to kiss his ass to get you bills paid. And he will sit and relish in the stroking of his ego, that you will do, to get your needs met.
Catch 22.
Ok, moral of the story, you can turn a stripper into a house wife. In my opinion. But, you can't do that by changing her or controlling her. You can only do that by l-ving her for who she is, not for what her choice of occupation or handbag she carries. L-ve is blind and without judgement. If it's the real thing, you will find a way for both of you, without giving up what it is that initiated that spark. If you start to like a women, who is a stripper, your best bet is to walk away, unless you can control your ego. Women who dance are entitled to a fair chance. Which brings us back to the Cost VS Worth scenario.
Is the cost of dating a stripper, worth losing to the left side of your brain?
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